"Oh, you're not being trusted with accessories," David says, as if that had ever been up for debate. There is absolutely no way in hell he's letting Patrick pick out the leash or the collar. Definitely not the bowls, because those will have to sit in their kitchen and David will need them to go with the entire aesthetic of their apartment, never mind just the room.

"Don't we have to like, do a criminal record check?" he asks. "Aren't they going to want to make sure we aren't satanists?"

Satanists probably sacrifice dogs, he thinks.